I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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