Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
