I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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