Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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