What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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