life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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