Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize