Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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