Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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