why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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