so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
