i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
