my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
