Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
