alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
