If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
