How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Randomize
