I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
