I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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