thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
