I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
