dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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