We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
