He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
