your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
the room spins SO much faster in panama
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
