Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
