margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
