I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Randomize
