Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
