are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
