I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
