btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
