turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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