Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
