I'm so fucking centered right now
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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