A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Can you bring me the toilet please
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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