the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
