i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
