After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
