He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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