Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
