Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
