i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
