I must be too annoying 4 u.
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
