On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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