Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
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If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
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don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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