Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
