I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
