Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
