I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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