My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
