it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
