I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
