I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
