I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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