I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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