If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
