That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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