I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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