would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
This toilet bowl is my home.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
