I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
