just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
