I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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