a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
