i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
