first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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