i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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