Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
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