We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
