Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
