is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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