he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
