oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
