Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Randomize
