I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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