I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
