then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
