so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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