My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
