Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
