Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Less talking, more tequila
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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