I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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