I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
