ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
