$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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