he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
