We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
