theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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