I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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