someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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