And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
