I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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