DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
