1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Whod you bang
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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